Sens v Leafs: The Other Red Versus Blue Fight in This Country

Written by: Tyler Beauchesne

Note: When reading this, listen to Euphoria by Kendrick Lamar, partly to get in the mood, and mostly because it will make the City of Toronto mad.

If Habs and Leafs fans all got along, they would probably gun me down by the end of this article. I would rather die standing than live kneeling so I wish to get this statement out of the way: Adam Gaudette has more goals on the season than Auston Matthews, and that fact will not change after tomorrow, win or lose. 

Now that is out of the way, let’s get to business. Tonight is another matchup between the Toronto Maple Leafs and the Ottawa Senators, another tale for this storied rivalry. Last year, the Sens beat the Leafs 3-1 on the season…now that’s a number that the fanbase knows all too well but I will get there. This season was not off to an ideal start as our record is 6-6, but I believe as Ullmark gets more familiar with the system we will bounce back from this and become a wild card team. But first, we need to address these fraudulent Maple Leafs. That’s right, I said fraudulent and I mean it with every breath of my being. A new goalie, a new coach, and new players but I am not moved, you are still the same team that I have seen go to the golf course early year after year.

I wish to address all of you fans with your pride and ego, it is just so annoying. I hate the way that you walk, the way that you talk, I hate the way that you dress. I hate the way that you talk trash, if I speak up, the disrespect will be direct. We hate the players you rep because they confuse themselves with real winners and notice I said we, it’s not just me, I’m what the culture feels!

You think the Leafs will win with this team, this core?! Gimme a break, they are great but they cannot do it and some of you already know that. Matthews may have gotten his Rocket Richards and the Hart, but he is not your saviour. Marner is the best playmaker on your team, but he is not your saviour. Tavares has his cute little magic wifi-blocking amulet, but he is not your saviour. Nylander is the true best player of the team, but he is not your saviour, they are not your saviour.

Let’s talk about Auston Matthews, the next generational goal scorer. His legacy lies in the regular season, where he got his awards and 60-goal seasons. When it matters, however, he disappears faster than Houdini. His favourite magic trick is teleporting from the first round to the golf course. His magic did not work against the Lightning that one year, and then he activated it again against the Panthers in the second round so the state of Florida still owns them I’m afraid.

You guys should have known this though,  he has been a loser since day one! Scoring four goals in your debut is cool, but having Kyle Turris and the Sens beat you in overtime is a lot better for setting the tone for the future. How is it that this man and his teammates always find a way to lose to teams that are worse than them on paper? It is because guys like Matthews do not care! He doesn’t mind losing, he would rather be breaking 100 on the course and hanging with Justin Bieber than be a champion. He is even more worried about his hairline, and from one balding brother to another, shave it off and let it go! The record this team has without Auston Matthews in the lineup is currently 37-19-2, so hey, I guess him being out tonight benefits them. I think you guys should be nicer to Marner then.

That is right, no Leaf has ever been more hated than Mitch Marner and I am old enough to remember Dion Phaneuf. A consistent 80-90 point player, easily helped Matthews become the goal scorer he is and the record without him on the ice is 20-17-5 which is worse than Matthews. Last year in the playoffs, it was 3-1 against the Bruins. Matthews was hurt and Marner and Nylander stepped up to make it 3-3. Then in game 7, Matthews came back and you lost 2-1 in overtime. You all were quick to blame Marner despite all the things he did for your franchise. He even said the team was treated like gods in Toronto to appease the people, and that is when I learned that gods get carjacked in their own city but that’s a whole other thing. You will be hard-pressed to find another player like him but whatever floats your boat I guess.

You walk around saying things like: “Ottawa has little brother syndrome, we are a playoff team and they are jealous. Every time we come to town, we take over your arena like it is ours. You will never compare to our storied franchise.” We need to address these claims. Ottawa has no little brother syndrome, as they have an 81-78-3 all-time record against the Leafs. That sounds like a pretty even battleground to me. So I have a question then, if you call Ottawa “little bro” does that mean you Boston “daddy” too?

Fun fact, the Leafs have won a cup more recently than they have beaten the Bruins in the playoffs. In case you forgot, the Leafs have not won that cup since before the Moon Landing. They could put a man on the moon, but the Leafs can’t “slay the dragon” with the Bruins. That is just comedy. You almost had them that one time in 2013 tho, first playoff appearance in nine years. Game 7, TD Garden, it was 4-1 and the Leafs were 10 minutes away from the second “checks official score” Oh wait, I almost forgot how that one ended. They blew a 4-1 lead to the Bruins and lost in overtime, what a shame. At least the Sens beat the Bruins in the playoffs, that is all I will say about that.

You take over our arena, that’s cool. I understand it, that one is on us. However, if you ask season ticket holders why, it is because they can make money off their ticket and not have to deal with how obnoxious you all can be. Most of you have never been inside Maple Leaf Gardens because you cannot afford it. It is much cheaper to just make a road trip to the glorious city of Ottawa than to spend a month’s rent on Maple Leaf nosebleeds. Even if you could get into your stadium, it would not even matter because you would not even be around your own fans.

That’s right I said it, your team should incorporate gray into their colour kit, because that’s all I see in the 100 sections on TV when the Leafs are at home. All your “fans” are just suits on corporate tickets, the vibes are sad to look at. You are in the world’s most expensive library, the cheers and woos are so restrained aren’t you supposed to have fun at a hockey game? I guess the game is getting in the way of the books the corporate folk are reading, wouldn’t want to accidentally get any soda or beer on those 3-piece suits.

Now lastly, let’s address that “history” for a second. I could talk about how since 2017, shoot even the last 20 years, the Sens have had more playoff wins than the five all-stars patrolling around in blue (Sens: two wins, Leafs: a playoff victory). However, that is too easy so let’s go back farther. Leafs fans love to talk about their 11 cups from a bygone era despite being six-team merchants. All those cups are fraudulent because you only ever had to be better than two other teams to make the playoffs. You may say that the Sens should not speak as they never won any cups. That is correct, however, at least the Sens have won three rounds in a row. That is something the Leafs have never done in their franchise’s history ever, not even for their cups. They never had to, there were not enough teams to make that happen so the competition was lowered.

Now, you know what else the Sens have had that the Leafs have not: a 1,000-point scorer WITH their franchise. “What about Sundin” did the numbers and Sundin only got 987 points as a leaf (thank you Trent). Alfie vs Sundin will always be a beautiful rivalry despite the two being good friends. Sundin never went to the finals like Alfie did so in terms of what they did for their franchises, I see who won clearly. The Leafs are one of eight franchises without a 1,000-point scorer: Florida, Minnesota, Nashville, Seattle, Vegas, Winnipeg, and Utah (thank you again Trent). Notice how some of those franchises are not even a decade old. That makes it even better because the Leafs have been around since before my grandfather existed. What a shame, maybe Matthews will get it now that he can no longer go to Arizona. 

Now, the last time I did this to the Habs the team lost so I should take the blame for that. Some of you are asking, “Why do this again if it might backfire?” Simple, it works and I do not care. I would wear a shirt with this picture around town if I could because I love the rage more than anything. 

Hate is like a drug to me, I am addicted and I never want the high to end. My comments are going to be filled with crybabies and witty banter when I advertise this article. If the Leafs win, you will come to the comments of this article calling me an idiot and flexing but it will not matter. I already won, because losing will make you cry, and winning will make you think of me. In a moment of triumph, you will think of me and all the words I spewed at you as I bathe in the attention. If you have something to say, come at me. I want all the smoke I can possibly get because hate it or love it, all you can do is watch. 

So enjoy the game, good luck to you, and may the best team win. If Morgan Reilly even thinks of laying a finger on Ridly Greig, he’s goning to have Brady Thachuk seeing redrum so keep it civil on that front. If the Leafs win, good game. If the Sens win, then sit down and be humble.